How’s it going y’all? Feels like I’m emerging from hibernation, a good while has gone by since my last post, but y’all know how it is. Gotta go through shit to keep writing. It’s March 2024 now and a few big life events have happened since my last post in January. First off, I moved from Boise back to my hometown in southern Indiana.
On the drive back across country music was one of the things that helped break some tension between family. Funny how music can provoke or elicit emotion isn’t it? In case anyone hasn’t bothered to read my previous blog posts I’m a huge fan of the artist NF; his newest album HOPE was on repeat as I came back across country with my dad and brother.
Gotta say, it’s fantastic. Most if not all of Nate’s music has little easter eggs scattered throughout. His music refers back to itself and this album is both no different yet a different beast entirely. Previously with Nate’s albums he’s had this inner monologue with himself/ the fear. One of the biggest things that I’ve personally dealt with in my own life.
I’ve dealt with a lot of assorted trauma throughout my life; as a result and coping mechanism I developed a penchant for penning poetry. I started writing poetry back in 2010 around the end of my time in high school. Cut to today and I’ve now got a collection of over 100 poems and easily hundreds if not thousands of my photography, even though let’s be real y’all; that number will probably grow even more.
As it stands I’m now going over the process of readying everything for submission to publishing companies and interacting with several companies in an attempt to get the absolute best company to represent my life/ work.
As the work continues I find myself thinking more and more about my Grandma Shoemate and my Mom. Both are no longer with us but I remember how excited my Grandma Shoemate was whenever I’d come to visit because I’d help her with yard work then in the downtime after yard work I’d read to her. A lot of old classical poetry but sometimes I’d share my own works with her. It was always funny to watch her floofy rescue dog Rascal listen to my reading.
With my Mom no longer here and all my grandparents gone at this point, I guess somewhere along the way I realized if I didn’t buckle down this project would never get done. On one hand I’m sad these people who were hugely influential in my life aren’t here anymore to see this dream of mine begin coming to fruition. On the other hand, there are certain things that I’m sure my Mom is glad she’s not here to experience and I’m fairly certain my Grandma who never touched a drop of alcohol in her life might give me a look or two regarding certain content matter in this collection of poetry.
To quote some of NF’s music though “I ain’t gon’ walk on these stages, in front of these people
And act like I live my life perfectly that doesn’t work for me. “Christian” is not the definition of what “perfect” means.”
Anyone that actually knows me knows I’m a lil’ bit rough around the edges and very much have a personality highly resembling sandpaper. I don’t tolerate bullshit well and while I am in fact a fairly reasonable and patient person everyone has their limits.
Interestingly some limits are well and truly made to be bent or broken. I’ve always been of the opinion that if art whether it’s one of the three Ps (Poetry, photography or painting) or some other medium is meant to provoke an emotional response. You may be intrigued, offended, surprised, horrified even. Thing is? If you’re having any kind of reaction to art whatever the format then it’s working.
There’s this quote I’m fond of by Victor Hugo… “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to remain silent.” There’s so many different sorts of existential horrors from trauma inflicted by family on you to an entire people group being systematically exterminated in Gaza. The world is a big, wide, chaotic beautifully broken mess.
On any given day at any given moment there’s ceaseless possibilities for the amazing. Someone could dart in front of a subway train to save a child that fell. Another could drive a perfect stranger to the hospital after being shot. Someone could unexpectedly pay for your coffee or food when you’re just out and about.
There’s a quote from the great movie we bought a zoo, the character Benjamin Mee says “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
I gotta think that at any given moment there’s always the possibility of something incredible happening. I make it a point to try seizing the moment any time one presents itself. There’s this practice in pottery called kintsugi (golden joinery) or kintsukuroi (golden repair) wherein pieces of pottery are rejoined together using a mixture lacquer and precious metal dust. Intriguing practice no?
My way of looking at things is that all the “broken” parts of yourself can be rejoined together and bring more beauty, peace, joy etc. to your life than you ever would’ve had being normal, whatever that actually means.
Stay weird, stay wild y’all. Embrace the chaos and dance in the rain every chance you get.
Holy Water, Burning Man 