How’s it going y’all? It’s now over a year since I originally planned to put this post out. To be honest, I wasn’t really in the headspace to write anything. See, my mom had been having some fairly serious health issues that neither my brother or I were really aware of. Cut to the 12th of December 2021 and while staying at my brothers’ place for a few days while repairs were being done on my apartment I found out my mom died.
Now almost a year later I’m finally getting back into the swing of things with my blog. To be fair though it’s very much in the same vein of things that got me back into writing. To quote MGK, “I gotta go through shit to keep writing” So! Story time. A little before Christmas of 2022 a very good friend of mine that I went to school with got a hold of me. She let me know that my ex had added her through another social media and was curious about how I was doing. So after five years of not having any contact with my ex I decided to risk it for the biscuit and exchange contact info.
I’ll preface this by saying sometimes people change, all that’s really needed is time in which to grow. I’m not the same person as I was when this ex, I’ll call her “Stacy”and I were together. Now over some phone conversations it became clear that “Stacy” was married and with a kid. Not something I particularly wanted to involve myself with. “Stacy” laid out all the facts she knew to me. The fact her husband had used their joint account to pay for a class designed to teach you how to pick up women. The fact she’d found multiple messages that insinuated, if not outright said he wanted women other than his wife.
Regardless of my feelings that behavior like this tends to be habitual, “Stacy” kept saying oh I don’t know if I’m ready to be a single parent. I don’t know if I could leave and get the help I need. Essentially making the choice more or less to stay with her abuser. Having been on the receiving end of several abusive relationships myself including, but not limited to “Stacy’s” behavior that led to our break up back in 2017-2018.
After taking a few breaths to “herbally infuse” I decided to cut contact with “Stacy” blocked her on all social media outlets, blocked the number. It was a full stop situation. Now, I’m not a relationship counselor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist so my advice/experiences shouldn’t be taken as absolute gospel. What I will say is that my observations about this particular relationship were that “Stacy” grew up in an adoptive family situation. Her bio parents decided that hard drugs were more important than their daughter “Stacy”
The situation from “Stacy’s” adoptive family was just as brutal to her own developing psychology though. I mean again, I’m no medical expert, but being raised while constantly being compared to the other adoptive children can’t be healthy. Didn’t stop the abusive behavior from continuing towards her though… During the time Stacy and I were together I was on the receiving end of needless jealousy and an almost constantly toxic lack of any meaningful kind of self-confidence.
Almost in direct conflict with my being a strong, independent young guy. The relationship got to a point where I couldn’t deal with the toxic controlling behavior and finally told her she had five minutes to get her crap and leave. Now, I’m not going to say that I think Andrew Tate has the answers to life’s problems. Clearly not; I will however say that having a healthy amount of self-confidence and knowing what YOU personally are okay with IS part of any healthy relationship.
Love your partner to the best of your ability, WHILE STILL being self aware enough to recognize behavior that isn’t healthy. Respect yourself enough to walk away from those unhealthy relationships. There’s nothing saying that you’ll not get a second chance. I will say though that regardless of how the other person seemingly changes? The changes YOU institute in your own life will likely be the changes that ACTUALLY last.
End of the day? You’re responsible for you and your reactions to things. You can’t control other people even if sometimes we all wish we could. Me? Personally I hope that “Stacy” finally gets away from the situation she’s in and gets the help she needs. Ultimately though? Whatever does or doesn’t happen to her? It’s on her. Me? I have enough self-respect to simply walk away and wish her well.
Sometimes? That’s the best thing you can do for yourself. Now as I’ve stated I’m not a counselor, psychologist or any other medical professional. All I have to go off of is my experiences. That being said, if you or someone you know needs help? There’s many free resources on the internet and likely in your local community. If you need help escaping an abusive situation I’d like to encourage y’all to do what’s best for you and yours.
Remember, abuse doesn’t HAVE to be physical. Financial abuse, gaslighting, keeping private documents like birth certificate etc away from you are all forms of abuse. You’re only as powerless as you allow yourself to be. If you actually want to find a way to be free of abuse you’ll do whatever it takes to get there.
Hopefully the New Year brings new adventures to y’all. I’m looking forward to some new adventures myself, in any event May The Force be with y’all and it’s good to be back.
Holy Water, Burning Man 