Hey y’all, I’ve been updating everyone on what’s going on with me recently. So time for another update I suppose. I’m back in Idaho at this point, hemorrhaging money to pay off a ridiculous fee for termination of my lease early in Indiana. Legit everything I have going to that…So it’s pretty difficult for me to be upbeat about…well anything.
I’m reliant on family to be helping me financially which I despise. Cause there’s a running tally of what I’ll owe to be paid back. Means longer for me to wait before any kind of establishing my own financial security. It just is what it is and I hate it.
Plus side? I’m still writing. There’s new poetry I’ve been coming out with, including some stuff that I wrote years ago. It was interesting with this poem because I remember it being much longer. In fact, I believe I included the original poem in my portfolio for a poetry class at the College of Southern Idaho.
So, whenever I find the original poem I’m highly considering doing a before and after post on here. The rewrite is incidentally still facing the same issue; addiction. Back in the day I’d heard about addiction but hadn’t ever really considered myself an addict.
I was though, it took a long time to admit but looking back I was addicted to self-harm. Intriguing that I’m writing about that addiction in a roundabout way now. I’m going to include a little snippet from this poem in here to tease y’all a bit. Mainly I’m wanting to keep the majority of what I’ve been writing and re-organizing to myself as I get this manuscript together.
I assure y’all, all will be revealed. For now though here’s a snippet of my poem titled Addiction…
“Addiction like a spider, wrapping silk binding ’round your hands. Soon, the addiction becomes a dysfunctional friend. Self-harm and abusive family; a job you adore with boss you abhor.”
Like I said just a little teaser. However there’s a lot of interesting stuff popping back up in this collection I’m assembling. Not all of it is fun to revisit. Honestly? I’m been feeling like this scene a LOT recently…..
I just feel so……defeated. I mean every cent I made in Indiana or had to my name in general is just… Like having stacks of cash then lighting a match to it. Essentially that’s what is going on, yet everyone is saying it’s fine everything will work out. Ok cool, fine. When though? At Christmas when I can finally start setting aside money for myself? Yeah…..Merry Christmas to me.
Honestly y’all? This poetry project is legitimately the only thing I’m really holding onto at this point. (Insert tortured artist jokes) I’m so overwhelmingly tired and as a result I’m not exactly pushing myself to write more poetry. There’s that uncertainty of well what happens when the book is done and published? It’s a solid question and one I don’t have an answer for. At least not yet…
In any event I hope y’all are at least doing well.
Rapha Yada my friends,
Richard
Holy Water, Burning Man 