Hey y’all…..So a few things have been going on recently. Been thinking about moving back to Idaho. Now if you’ve been following along with my blog you know some of the things I left Idaho because of and in pursuit of. Well… I haven’t found them here in Indiana. I’ve found more poor treatment of me, my heart screwed with and there’s nothing truly keeping me here.
So I’m once again looking at moving, at the very least I KNOW there are people that love and care about me in Idaho. Additionally I was considering pulling some of the poems I’ve written since last December off my blog. However, after a few days of deep consideration on that decision I realized that no. They need to stay, not as a reminder of how I was hurt; rather as a reminder that my feelings are valid.
They may not be shared but there was a reason I wrote them. Additionally I’d like to announce? Re-announce? A project that I’ve continually put off unfortunately. To compile, add to, and finish a full manuscript of my poetry and photography and publish it.
I’ve hidden some things from public view for awhile. There are some things that are known factors about me to certain people. The dark, gritty parts of my life. Now though, I guess I’m finally ready to start this project, and finish it. The way I look at this is that I’m going to be publishing the cassette your shrink or therapist or whoever has from your sessions.
Writing has always been a release for me and something that was MINE. My feelings, emotions written out in a way that made the broken pieces a little softer somehow. Right now I’m pretty broken. A question I kind of have right now is just why?
Like Nate says I don’t trust this thing that beats inside my chest. This whole song is really how I’m feeling right now. There’s just so much to it, a lot of people know me but, they don’t know me well. I probably mentioned in some of my posts recently that recently I’d started watermarking some of my photography for a more professional quality to them.
I think there’s a certain power for taking all these feelings and emotions I’ve had for years and actively written about off and on. To me this is how it felt to toss all your papers in the air at the end of a school year, or tossing your hat at graduation. Just…..freeing. I’ll finally be releasing all these emotions into the world. Anyone will be able to see my journey of self in poetic form and that?
That’s a project worth finishing. It’s past time I took drastic steps towards self-empowerment and now? Several heartbreaks later I’m ready to finish it. I’ll be putting up some photos that’ve been watermarked here soon keep your eyes peeled y’all.
I know I sign these off the normal way but recently I’ve needed to hear these words again too.
Rapha Yada my friends,
Richard
Holy Water, Burning Man 