What’s up y’all? There’s been a lot going on in my life recently…. Y’all have heard me talking about moving back home. Well, I finally just realized that I need to get the heck out of Idaho as soon as humanly possible. Between yesterday having a friend randomly show up and just chill at my apartment for an hour until they said they wanted pizza. To my roommates credit they didn’t realize it wasn’t my idea to get pizza.
So what ended up happening was I was essentially guilted into spending nearly $40. For freaking pizza. Even when the pizza place screwed up an order and I got a free pizza I wasn’t able to have a full pizza to myself. Then the friend came into my room and snagged the last piece I had (in my mind) managed to save for myself. Keep in mind there were two 16″ pizzas and there wasn’t ANYTHING left. Even though I attempted to save myself food for later.
Keep in mind that I’d spoken with my roommates and told them my whole plan for the day was to get actual groceries. Which is costly enough anyways… Couple that with the fact that literally the next day my butter is taken off the counter and stuck it in their cupboard. Like it has honestly felt like the mentality is what yours is also mine. I could be completely wrong but “that many mistakes are evidence” seems to ring true here. I don’t know if the habit came from growing up in a house with multiple siblings or what.
Regardless of “reasons” because honestly? There isn’t any good enough that I’d believe or even tolerate at this point. Boundaries should be respected. So now here I am. Sitting on a rough, scratchy army surplus blanket in my kitchen with a soft glowing green lamp and boxes stacking up. Only God for company this early in the morning, 4:30 AM….Boxes stacked up and getting higher. Seems strange how much of your life can be neatly organized into boxes and how quickly you can move your life somewhere else.
Interestingly, even with all the immense emotional stress of keeping certain things to myself and dealing with excremental behavior from people claiming to be friends? I’m somehow at peace, even with looking at apartments in the area I’ll be moving to and trying to balance costs of a new place all to myself. I’m…..I guess taking certain things on faith. I can prepare as much as humanly possible, though odds are that even with all that preparation? There’s going to be something I’m not prepared for.
So I’m busy taking care of what I’m actually able to do. For now that’s cleaning out my living space and throwing a bunch of things out. Continuing to box things up and stack them in my kitchen. Seems these days I’m listening to a lot more soul or R&B, bordering on blues. John Mayer, SoMo, Suriel Hess. Admittedly, SoMo isn’t exactly the most family friendly music. Some of his stuff is outright sexual but holy crap if you want a smooth voice? Homeboy has you covered.
I guess y’all could say that I’m getting more in touch with what’s in my soul. I feel like in certain ways since making my decision to move back home I’ve had just this…..resounding sense of peace. I’ve lived in Idaho since 2007 when my parents got divorced. That in mind my brother and I had our “visitations” with our dad when we were younger. Every flight back home to Indiana I felt like there was this voice in the back of my head saying “Richard, you’ll come back here someday.” For thirteen years that same voice has been there. Every. Single. Time.
Now that I’m actively making steps to move back home I feel…..Just such a sense of peace. The knowledge that the mental healthcare available to me back home could finally be the mental help I’ve been needing to start working through some VERY old trauma. The knowledge that there are people back home who love me to death and are just an insanely awesome support system is vastly comforting as well.
I consider myself fortunate to know I’ve either impressed those people with my work ethic, moral character, or both. I will say there are certain things about Idaho that I’ll certainly miss. My brother, certain friends I made here, several experiences including the three defining heartbreaks that helped show me more of who I really am. There’ve been some good times in Idaho….I’ll certainly miss stepping outside in the morning and seeing the mountains.
It’s time for me to come back home though. Bring me back to the shores of the Ohio…
Hope y’all are staying safe out there. Rapha Yada my friends
Richard
Holy Water, Burning Man 