Hey there y’all. So amid everything going on I have to say…I feel good. Don’t get me wrong I miss going to my local shops and getting coffee same as the rest of us probably. However last night on into this morning I had a few thoughts.
Yesterday I went down to the gas station with my best friend and roommate. There are signs everywhere about social distancing and how we’re all to stay at LEAST six feet away from each other to prevent the POSSIBLE spread of infection. Me and my roommate? We were basically just right up on each other walking on each others shoes as a sort of middle finger to the circumstances I guess.
On our way back we saw kids, without them paying attention to their phones. They were on scooters or bikes. People were walking their dogs on longboards which is always cool to see. People are out and active, because I mean let’s get real….What else is there to do? You can only watch so much Netflix after all…
Personally I’m an introverted extrovert. I guess you’d say that I like social situations and gatherings right up until I don’t. Be having a conversation about for example this coronavirus thing then seemingly out of nowhere I’ll just remove myself from participating in the discussion.
I’m generally speaking outgoing, now when I flip from extrovert side to introvert I’ll go to my room, or for a walk, I’ve even smoked weed while just vibing to music. I guess the COVID-19 deal is messing with me because typically speaking I’m a people person. I LIKE social interaction. Now? Living in Boise Idaho, everything is quiet. A lot of the shops and restaurants are closed down, everything deemed non-essential has basically been suspended.
My brother is out of a job due to the dining room at the restaurant he worked at being closed. He and I chatted on the phone a few days about how both he and I were basically living our everyday lives anyways. Only difference is the government is insisting on it. Personally the quietness unnerves me.
Maybe it’s that I’ve gotten used to life being busy, noisy….Half the time you go to the grocery store everyone is jockeying for position so they can buy their stuff and leave. There’s traffic, or work, or maybe just more……contact with everyone. I don’t know how else to put it other than the silence unnerves me. It’s like the calm before a storm…
My guess, is that there’s a lot of people living alone just in Boise. However you take people. Isolate them for extended periods. Cut off basically all non essential interaction and continue isolating people? The results won’t be pleasant. The human mind isn’t meant to endure long periods of isolation, there have been studies done on this.
Maybe I’m just rambling but I’m very wary of what’s NOT being reported in the news. Just as much as I am of what is.
Moving on to the more pleasant part of this post I mentioned thoughts I had this morning. Y’all have heard me talk about a gal who is special to me on here. These were some of my thoughts as I lay in bed this morning. I was cradling a body pillow against my chest, a stand in for wishing she was cuddled against me.
I thought, y’know if there were more men that would simply spend time with the woman they were involved with. There’d be less heartache. I mean we’re one of, if not probably the most connected generation in the world. Yet, half the time we’re all running around feigning we care. It sounds bad but we’re probably more connected now due to COVID-19 and unplugging for a bit than we are normally.
Personally, like I guess my mind was just on me laying in bed. Y’all there’s something to being alone, yet longing to be with someone. Maybe it’s not possible to understand without having slept with someone. I speak here of snuggling and just falling asleep together with someone special. Not sexy fun times. I was in a previous relationship where I got used to someone I deeply cared about and falling asleep with them in my arms.
Since leaving that relationship I’ve become a better person, a better man. Though I still feel lonely….Falling asleep holding a pillow wishing it was someone I’ve started developing feelings for is the best I can do right now. I long to hold her in my arms, to snuggle up with her while watching movies. To cook for her as she lays in bed.
I’ve sat and thought about the kind of connection she and I have, both deep emotional and deep spiritual connection. The way my heart actually does ache to be with her. Like….there’s almost a command my heart has heard. Could be just my interpretation but I feel this sense of “Don’t let her get away Richard.” As it is I’m trying to sort out my emotions and take a look at thinks objectively.
There’s a heavy emotional and spiritual connection between us. There’s been mutual flirtation, we’ve still got plans for this summer. I can feel myself becoming more emotionally invested. All I can think of is these two quotes.
“The best love story is when you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.”
The second was one I came across on DeviantArt. The image is from DmC, the Devil May Cry reboot but there’s just something about the image the speaks to me…
https://www.deviantart.com/search?q=dantexkat (Link to artist site)
Holy Water, Burning Man 