Hey y’all……it was a long night last night. Basically I just was having a nice civil chat with my mom. During the conversation I told my mom I was considering asking my dad’s help setting up something so I could invest a little extra cash I’d made by selling furniture and such.
Unfortunately then my mother decided to basically go thermonuclear. Your dad is supposed to be all educated with all these connections and blah blah blah. Honestly I stopped reading after her first remarks. As it stands my mother has held onto jealousy and bitterness of my dad ever since their divorce over 10 years ago….
Yeah over a decade of holding onto that. I mean…..unfortunately both my brother and I have grown up in our adult lives hearing off and on about how our dad is this that and the other. Problem is? That was prior to me having developed my own ideas about my dad. Your dad never cared was tossed around a lot. Thing is I know that’s wrong, having developed our relationship with our dad as adults both my brother and I would say overall he’s a better parent now than when we were growing up.
Now y’all if you’re parents reading this or young men and women what I’m about to tell you next will likely shock you. There are two schools of thought on this. Exodus 20:12 12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Pretty self explanatory right? Weellllll not exactly. See here God is saying honor your father and mother. HOWEVER parents…..this is where I am in life and this applies to everyone the next bit. Ezekiel 20: 18-19
18 I said to their children in the wilderness, “Do not follow the statutes of your parents or keep their laws or defile yourselves with their idols. 19 I am the Lord your God; follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
Now this isn’t to say that my mother is some idol worshiper or anything. I believe the point being made here is that if a parent is morally wrong about something such as going nuclear and venting about their ex to their child. The son or daughter has a right AND further an obligation to disobey you the parent IF you are morally incorrect.
For example. I love my mom, truly I do. However, after having spent from 2007-2020 hearing off and on about my dad being this and that and the other. 13 years…. I refuse to continue allowing that. Because honoring your father and mother doesn’t include picking sides with parents…..least it shouldn’t.
It doesn’t include staying silent about abuse verbal or otherwise towards the other parent. Am I saying my father is an angel? Certainly not. However due to my mother’s utter refusal to LET GO of the bitterness both my brother and I grew up hearing constantly hearing how blah blah blah my dad was.
Back to my point teenagers and young adults…. the Bible refers to honoring your father and mother. You should. HOWEVER you also should know that when you begin a relationship with Christ you are to heed HIS standard. If your parents for example asks you to do something illegal. Obviously you should refuse. There are times younglings (hehe Star Wars reference) that you’ll KNOW when to disobey parents.
Parents. I personally am not among your ranks I don’t have kids yet, maybe someday God willing. However I basically raised myself. My dad as a Doctor was always working, admittedly he was busting ass to provide for our family. At the time from the perspective of a kid well everything is blurred with emotion. It’s far easier to throw blame around when you can’t see the full picture. My mom distanced herself from me. So my advice? MAKE TIME, seriously make time for your kids. To hear about their day or the girl or guy they’re into. How they’re excited about a tournament or recital.
Because then? They’ll WANT to talk with you and will rely on you as an anchor of sorts. Kids, cut your parents a break. It’s been awhile since they were your age but I can assure you they remember a great deal. They know what heartache was like. There’s not a how to book about raising a kid. Even without kids of my own I can tell y’all that.
For me, heeding the words of Ezekiel 20:18-19 means for now? Having absolutely nothing to do with my mother for the foreseeable future. I’m unwilling to support my Mom’s bitterness towards my dad. It’s poisonous and I’m so overwhelmingly tired of hearing about how I’m a narcissist whenever she’s confronted point blank with truth about her awful behavior.
I’m going to attach a link another blog which touches on Ezekiel 20: 18-19 by a person far more intelligent than I about scripture. Hope y’all got something from this blog post.
Much Love In Christ
Richard
Children, Disobey Your Parents in the Lord, For This is Right
Holy Water, Burning Man 