Self-reflection is a funny thing…It’s difficult for you to look back on your life and not want to meddle in things. Obsess over what I should’ve done differently. Constantly trying to be “good enough” I came to a crystal moment of clarity when I was in Chicago over Christmas Break with my Dad and brother.

I love my family but like pretty much all of us. They drive me nuts… Having Asperger’s is interesting in that everything is tones. It’s so freaking easy to get jaded by something someone has done in the past to remain hurt by them. Over the years I’ve come to understand that I’ve allowed myself to be anchored in the past where I let anger and pain of things people did in the past bother me.

That’s not any way to truly live free, to be fair I’m not sure there IS a proper way. Best I can figure is that you try to do as much good as you can, ground yourself with faith. Whatever your preference just don’t be shoving it down other people’s throats. Remember your family. They’re at least in part responsible for how you grow up but they’re also not the determining factor on whom you’ll be.

In the end we all make our own decisions. There’s this mental way way of thinking that humanity seems to have. “If I knew then what I know now…blah blah blah.” Way I reckon is you have one life and until you’ve stopped breathing permanent then you’ve got nothing but opportunity to make things right.

I’ve spent years being angry at my parents for a variety of overall stupid stuff. I’m twenty eight now and I realized if I don’t stop this line of thought then it won’t stop. Lord knows that I’m not probably the best behaved son, that being said I’m trying to be better.

For myself, life is too short anyways to be filling it with regret. So my New Year’s Resolution is different this year than it has been in the past.

1. Leave the past where it is. The past. Instead Focus on forging the type of future I want.
2. Drink more water. We should all do that anyways.
3. Spend time doing things I love. Don’t wish for things to happen “Make It So.”
4. Don’t try bottling my emotions. Unleash them through my creativity.
5. Try being a better son, brother and friend.
6. Do number 5 without allowing my boundaries to be crossed or violated. (Just cause they’re friends and family doesn’t give an automatic pass on bad behavior.)
7. Always leave more room for more goals. Believe in yourself while pursuing them.

Wanted to share my little look of self-reflection and my New Year’s Resolutions. In the words of Christopher Paolini… “Atra esterni’ ono thelduin Mor’ rana li’fa unin hjarta onr Un du evari’nya ono varda”

“May good fortune rule over you, peace live in your heart, and may the stars watch over you.”