He > Me

Sup y’all? I wanted to share with y’all tonight. As I’m typing this I’m listening to a sermon. Surprisingly the first one I’ve in any way, shape or form listened to in a long time. This was after I talked with a girl, same girl I’ve been talking to, same one I was chatting with in Canada…. 🙂

Interestingly I’ve been more in touch with my spiritual side recently. Something this guy talked about, how he was judging his significant in comparison to his experiences and faith journey. I feel that in line with his views, MY own views as well is that a relationship is what brings out the contrast of growth.

Now, I’ll be the first to tell y’all that there’s a need for growth individually. I’ve heard over years….multiple friends say that you can’t be in a relationship if you can’t love yourself first. I’m calling that out as a lie. I mean after all…Jesus loved us ALL enough to die for us. This pastor’s key point is Grace.

I know, I know I’m broken. Beautifully broken. There’s a scene in the show The Flash. I may have mentioned I’m a lil’ nerdy.

The point the older speedster makes is that they’re not gods. They’re men. They can go back and change things but they should know enough not to. My point I’m getting to is this. If you’ve been in relationships before, you know how deeply that pain feels. Either you’re young and naive, you figure I won’t make the same mistakes again. Except like Barry Allen you do. Up until you understand that it’s only on you to learn from those mistakes.

I’ve been searching for a relationship for a long time. I did up until I realized I was defining myself by the lack of/ desire for a relationship. Desire isn’t inherently bad, but when you allow that desire to DEFINE your actions and way in which you live? That’s a problem.

Yes I desire a relationship, yes the girl I’ve been talking with is wonderful. I think though that I’ve begun to understand that while a relationship is absolutely something I desire. However I want to share with this young woman. I know who I am, who God defined me as. Hupernikao, I am still learning about myself.

My desire is that I learn about myself with someone by my side. That I learn about them as I do. Only real way I can define is is that I want to walk with God alongside someone I care for. The point of Grace is indeed important. I know that I’m blessed beyond measure. The experiences I’ve been through gave me the benefit of wisdom of those experiences. As I finish this post and the sermon, I understand one thing for certain. He > Me. I’m still learning, I’m beautifully broken. I’m pliable. He gives me continued experience, He helps me bend but WILL NOT let me be broken.

He’s putting that coffee cup back together. God doesn’t make mistakes and perhaps it’s better the coffee cup isn’t perfectly put back together. I mean after all that’s what makes me unique right?